1:1 - the essential tool for leaders
What’s the purpose, and how to start 1:1 sessions
I remember the first 1:1 sessions with engineers from my team. I approached them and asked for a short private meeting. I wanted to tell them that we would see each other every week and talk about their challenges. I wanted to express my commitment to developing their skills and overall helping them grow.
Instead… it was super awkward. Some of my teammates were really stressed. Shaking hands, breaking voice 😬.
It made me worried as well. Is there something they want me to say? I thought.
When I started a 1:1 discussion, a teammate asked me:
What is this meeting for? Am I fired?
The teammate was one of the most influential people on the team.
But.
We had never had 1:1 before. And I approached him out of the blue, interrupted in the middle of focus time, and asked for a private meeting.
I think his reaction was very reasonable.
1:1 is an essential tool for leaders
Every successful leader says that 1:1s is one of the essential things in their job. But for fresh managers, these sessions are tough.
I did hundreds of 1:1s in my career. Today I cannot imagine a better way of working with my teammates. But the early days were super hard.
Each session was stressful for me. I was afraid that I wouldn’t have anything interesting to say. I worried about what my teammates thought of this meeting. Were these 30–60 minutes sessions a well-invested time for them?
That’s why, before you start your 1:1s, ensure the purpose of these sessions resonates with you.
1:1s make strategic things real
As a leader, you work on strategy, goals, the organization's culture, feedback, priorities, and many more.
And 1:1 meetings are where you make these things real.
- 1:1s is where you support your teammates to reach their potential, grow and succeed as professionals.
- 1:1s is where you translate strategic things into day-to-day actions.
- 1:1s is where you implement the company's culture.
The purpose of 1:1s
If you are looking for inspiration for your 1:1 sessions, here are some:
On 1:1, you build a personal relationship. Don’t be afraid to ask how things are going in their lives. How was the weekend? What are their plans for vacation, how do they feel, and how are their children doing? Express your support and understanding when they come through difficult times. Even though you’re at your job, you are still human. Remember it.
On 1:1, you build teammates’ confidence and psychological safety. Bad things happen. KPIs go differently than expected, goals aren’t achieved, and deadlines are exceeded. On 1:1s, discuss these things as facts — blameless, with a will to understand their full context (lack of focus, other priorities, lack of support, unrealistic goals, etc.). Try to find a remedy rather than looking for guilty. Put emotions aside, ask how you can help, what you could do differently, and what you’ve learned from the current situation.
On 1:1, you help reach competence (expectations for teammate’s role and level). During sessions, show what you or a company expects from them. Talk about gaps in competencies and discuss how you can help with them. Highlight where they exceed expectations.
On 1:1, you unleash and help to reach a teammate’s potential. Help them uncover what their strengths are and how to make use of them at work.
On 1:1, you express that you are there to help over and over again. 1:1 is a meeting for them. It’s not about reporting or the assessment. It’s about finding ways to support teammates with their challenges, growth, or project.
On 1:1, you show and execute a plan (for growth, work, expectations, etc.). Many of these things are documented in written form — career ladder frameworks, job specs for each position, etc. During 1:1, you will discuss how these work in practice, individually for each of your teammates. Build these plans with them together, help them execute these plans step by step, and discuss progress, obstacles, and next steps.
On 1:1, you both prepare for the performance review process without surprises. Every week you exchange feedback and discuss goals, expectations, and potential. If you do the job diligently, nothing should surprise you or your teammate when the assessment time comes.
On 1:1, you prepare your teammate for promotion, a new role, or a new responsibility. During these sessions, your teammates gain expected competencies, unleash their potential, and then use it to the fullest. And this is with reason. You help them get a desired promotion, new role, or responsibility. You help them become more successful, more influential, and earn more money.
How to start first 1:1s
Starting your first 1:1 meetings isn’t the easiest thing. You need to bring structure and continuity to these sessions. And you want to make them valuable for your teammates and for you.
You also want to be confident that you do these mentoring sessions on a decent level, right?
Because of my introverted nature, the beginning wasn’t easy for me either. That’s why today, after hundreds of 1:1 sessions which I drove over almost a decade, I created a practical manual — First Ten 1:1s for Engineering Leaders.
Thanks to this workbook
- You will feel more confident as an engineering leader and ensure that these sessions are the most valuable time within a week — for you and your teammates.
- You will build your position in the organization as an influential leader thanks to achieving your goals and growing your teammates.
- You will become an inspiring leader for your teammates, help them perform better, get a promotion, and reach their potential.
- You will build professional but also a personal relationships with your teammates.
Let’s stay in touch
I hope this article is valuable to you. My mission is to help engineering leaders make great ideas happen.
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